How to Take Control of Your Life
70Take Ownership of Yourself
In the self help development arena one subject I do not find spoken about is the subject of ownership of self. Ownership for the purpose of this article is defined as the act, state or fact of being an owner of your whole self. The process and mechanics of ownership are fairly complex since one can gain, transfer and lose ownership of whole or parts of self at any point in your life. Personal ownership is a right given to you at time of birth and should develop over time as you mature.
Relinquishing Ownership
You don’t always know when you are in ownership of yourself but you are acutely aware when you do not have it. There are many life events that cause you to relinquish ownership to yourself from being belittled, harassed, or bullied as a child to going through abuse, catastrophic acts of nature, traumatic or combat experiences. Each of these life events causes you to feel a loss. You may feel loss of your body, emotions, esteem, specific organs, mind, spirit, or worth.
Loss is a major issue and fact of life. In this society loss is interpreted as something you do not face, you just move on. The resulting feeling experienced with a loss is described as emptiness within. This emptiness is translated internally as “I did something wrong, I don’t have what others have or I am not good enough or worth anything”. This internalized awareness will cause a state of self doubt, harshly judging yourself as wrong or worthless and then completely disowning yourself. Once the disowning occurs you will seek external validation from anything or anyone other than yourself. The loss is constantly centered on what you did not do with the main theme of “if only”. “If only I had done this.” “If only I had said or not said that.” You then find yourself living symbolically in the past attempting to fix or right the wrong you think you did. You will begin doing or grasping for whatever you think might fill the emptiness from outside yourself.
I envision this scenario as a garage sale. You dim yourself as worthless, empty or of no value so you literally put yourself out for sale to the highest bidder. Hoping that you will be accepted by someone else, and they will take ownership of you. The thought is that everything in your life will be better. Unfortunately selling yourself for something or to someone never results in fulfillment.
How to take back ownership
Ownership is the key building block in the self development, growth and health field. To achieve the key to take back ownership of you, an action must be done. The action is drawing up a personal legal document of ownership. Writing is very powerful and can enhance your personal authority. Writing takes thoughts and dreams out of ethereal plane and makes it real. Seeing on paper gives it power. The act of putting your ownership of yourself on paper will increase your relationship with self, give you pride and confidence. So with that in mind, let‘s start.
Before you draw up your agreement of ownership there two things to do in order to prepare. Start by writing a list of all the strengths you posses. This exercise is not about feeling you are being conceited or egoistical. Be truthful and honest about your strengths. The list is only for you to see. You may also ask the opinions of people you love and trust what your strengths are to get a different perspective.
Next write a gratitude list. Gratitude is thankfulness. List all the things you a grateful for in your life. Start each gratitude statement with “I am thankful for……” Search every area of your life.
Once you have completed both lists and had a chance to re-read them, draw up your personal legal document of ownership with yourself. It is a personal statement ownership for the whole of you, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Include ownership for your strengths and gratitude’s.
Upon completion of this exercise, place your document in a safe place and bring it out when you feel like you need a reminder of how wonderful you really are.
Personal Ownership Statement
I_____________________________________________ do hereby declare that I am the legal owner of myself. This is my personal declaration of all things good of me. (Enter your list here):
I do hereby swear that I take full possession and responsibility of myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually for as long as I am alive.
Signed:______________________________________________ Date:___________
Books & More
 | Separated From the Light illuminates the darkness, isolation, and secrecy that shroud survivors of trauma. It was written to let people know that there is effective help for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and there are professionals who can assist with their recovery. It offers common-sense principles and theory explaining what a human being does in reaction to trauma and suggests a path to recovery Amazon Price: $13.00 |
 | Watch Dr. Bill as he teaches his theories and principles on Dissociation, Movement of self as a reaction to Trauma and abuse, Dissociative Continuum, PTSD, how clients dance with their symptoms, Incorporation Therapy and what lead him to develop the healing life skill: Rapid Reduction Technique (RRT). RRT is a life skill that effectively reduces the intensity of intrusive traumatic memories, flashbacks, and body memories by safely and protectively assisting in closure of the overwhelming emotions that were not dealt with during the original traumatic event. The RRT is explained, taught, and demonstrated in this DVD series is a helpful skill that for survivors as well as a powerful tool for the helping professional. Amazon Price: $179.00 |
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- Rapid Reduction Technique Finally Achieves Recognition in South Florida University
I never thought this would happen but last week a doctoral student defended her dissertation on Rapid Reduction Technique RRT at Carlos Albizu University. She was successful at her defending her doctoral study. So we have a new Ph.D. in the world. Hurray! In her 2 year doctoral study of Rapid Reduction Technique RRT, she proved that the RRT method for relieving Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms is for real, effective and valid. It is now independently proven that RRT does what I have said and shown for 12 years. "RRT alleviates PTSD "re-experiencing" symptom and disconnects the associated triggers.” The study also showed that RRT alleviated the depression associated with experiencing abusive, combat or traumatic life events. This is a major breakthrough for working with traumatic memories and flashbacks. I have been waiting for years for an independent source to prove the benefits of Rapid Reduction Technique - RRT, so it would get the recognition it deserves. I never thought this day would come. I could not wait, I knew RRT could do better so I updated it to RRT 2.0 and even though it takes longer than 5 minutes, it helps more on a deeper level with alleviating core beliefs also. Personally I have had deep faith in RRT through watching it help thousands over the past 11 years. If you like this Blog then please SUBSCRIBE and make a comment. Contact me at http://www.drbilltollefson.com/ if you would like more information on Rapid Reduction Technique - RRT. - 5 months ago
- “What are "Persecutor Alters in a D.I.D System?"
I receive many questions on the subject of Dissociative Identity Disorder, known as D.I.D. from survivors of serve abuse and who are suffering from Complex PTSD. In all my years of working with D.I.D. clients, it is this type of alters that are feared the most and are the most misunderstood. "Persecutor Alters" are the most feared, resistant and rejected by the host as well as the professionals that work with this population. "Persecutor Alters" referred to or viewed two different ways. 1. If the person experienced ritual abused then persecutor alter(s) is "demon(s)" put into the victim by suggestion through brainwashing and torture over an extended period of time. The victim is put into a high degree of suggestibility by deprivation of sleep, food and drugged. The victim perceives that these persecutor alters are one of their own alters but are in fact a mirror image of one or more alters in the host system. These “mirror images or persecutor alters” have no eyes and are not a part of host’s Soul. This type of symbolic representations or persecutor alters generally create constant crisis and chaos for the victim internally and in his or her external life. Persecutor alters adhere strictly to the rules, beliefs, behavior and values that the abuser or group set forth by force. The victim was made to verbally promise to adhere to for the rest of his or her life at penalty of death. Persecutor alters sabotage the victim all the time. 2. The second way persecutor alters are viewed is that they are a “resistant alter(s)” that abide completely by the rules, behaviors, beliefs, expectations, and /or values of their abuser. These types of alters tend to not believe or accept the “host system” because no one helped or saved them. This type had been singled out from the other alters and were put through intense emotional excitement to make sure that the rules, behaviors, beliefs, expectations, and /or values of the abuser would embed into the subconscious. These alters are unknowingly affectionately attached and completely loyal to the abuser. Persecutor alter(s) is unable or willing to attach to the host system or authentically view the reality. They are stuck in the past and in a toxic relationship. Crisis and chaos is the only life they know. - 7 months ago
- PTSD: Change Your Mindset
Post traumatic Stress Disorders cannot be ignored. Want to beat PTSD symptoms? It takes more than just a wish. Just ignoring them will not make them disappear. Essential to being successful is facing and recognizing them as a recording of an event that closure was not able to be made then. Compartmentalizing overwhelming emotional experiences was a God given skill to save a person’s life. Be grateful. If you are a survivor then shift your mindset. View the return of a flashback as a blessing and learn a skill that will help you to dissipate the intensity, close the unprocessed emotions and facilitate mental order and proper storage. No athletic ever won a gold medal without gaining more skills. Faith in the strength that you display to survive the traumatic event will help you to overcome the symptoms. As long as you acquire a new skill and work your faith you will be successful. Remember recovery from PTSD symptoms is long distances run not a sprint. There is a proven skill that will stop re-experiencing. See a skill that works - http://bit.ly/kbrjCG - 11 months ago
Thank you so much Donna. Your comment means a lot to me. I am doing my best to my truth of healing out.
This is wonderful! Thank you so much for blessing us in this way!
Thank you for addressing this issue. I was completely unaware of not having ownership of self. Within these past few weeks I have felt self-doubt creeping in, causing me to feel a sense of loss within my spirit. After reading through “how to take control of your life” I realize that inwardly I was aware of the fact that I did not possess ownership. Thank you for this excellent exercise. I need to be reminded of my strengths, and what I am most grateful for. This will definitely put me back on track.
As always Dr Bill reminding me where I need to be....Thks!!
Thank You for the info...You always seem to somehow be reading my mind. What a joy! Great article and I will do my best to keep it in mind as I journey further into recovery. God Bless
Truly awesome article!!! Your explanation of ownership of self; how and why a person frequently gives it away; and the importance and methods to reclaiming it are exellent! The information is something I will continue to actively use and refer to. Thank you so much!
Thank you Wysley for your comment. I know that your comment will help you and others to take ownership back of self. Follow the instructions and create your own document of Ownership, sign it and store it with all your important paper. Remember - “Declare your independence and freedom through ownership. It will amass your confidence”.
This one thing is probably the most difficult to do in one's life. But once I was determined to take back my life, I suddenly felt like I had come out of a tunnel and maybe I had, or at least out from the tunnel vision I had so long allowed to block my options. Great hub.
BobbiRant - Thanks for your comment. The nice thing is that you can regain ownership of self and the empowerment it gives to a person. Fill out your document of ownership today.
Loved this one more than the first one, Dr. Bill. The way you employ symbolism (the garage sale bit) makes it easy for people like me to relate to the whole process of healing (a prime constituent of which is ownership of our own selves). And you are SPOT ON about the writing bit. I used to write affirmations (have left it and thinking of restarting it after reading your hub) and unconsciously it did have an effect on me. Once again, thank you so much for this helpful piece.
MehreenM - You are very welcome. I hope my writings on the spot and helps others to find some light in their life. I really appreciate your comments.
Ownership of self is definatly what I needed to read today. As I read it I realized that I am allowing others to own my time and my emotions. Yesterday I missed out on seeing my Grandson and a friend I haven't seen in 15 years because I let others control everything. I was alone on Easter. After reading "Ownership of Self" this will not happen again. And I say all those negative things about myself. I questions myself. Did I do something wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Will be doing this contract and sharing with my Therapist. Thanks Dr.Bill.
CherylMardis - Thank you so much for your comments and testimonial of what you learned from this HUB and the action you are going to take for your life. I appreciate your validation. Dr. Bill
Donna Brumbaugh 22 months ago
excellent, thank you.